MMP

Finally, pirates have their own keyboard. No wonder they can type 1,100 words per minute, there are six keys!

[spanks to brian k. for this delightful image]

So, The Duke and I were calling Parkside Wings & Steak tonight to get some grub and The Duke decided to deviate from his standard 10 Wings + Fries & Drink combo and venture into the land of Philly Cheesesteaks. Here’s how the phone conversation went..

Justin : I’m gonna order from Parkside.
Dave : Cool, I’ll have the #1.
Justin : How spicy you want the wings?
Dave : Nuclear.
Justin : Cool. I think I’m gonna ask for a reccomendation.
(Duke calls Parkside)
Parkside : Parkside steak & wings, can I help you?
Justin : How are your Philly Cheesesteaks?
Parkside : It depends what you are doing with them?
Justin : What do you mean? Do they taste better if you do certain things with them? Like, if I was hang gliding and wanted an in flight snack, would they taste better?
Parkside : I guess.
Justin : But what if I just ate one at my kitchen table? How would they be then?
Parkside : I guess allright.
Justin : But not as good as hang-gliding?
Parkside : Everything tastes better mid flight I guess.
Justin : Cool, I’ll take one.
Parkside : 15-20 minutes, thanks.

WTF?!?!?

Ok…
MySpace.com blows the largest nuts on the planet earth. We’re talking the African, National Geographic, elephantitus nuts.

More to come tomorrow. I have a whole rant on how bad MySpace sucks.

The other night I posed a teaser about “Spendin’ mad hamiltons” and here’s the video I was talking about. Quite possibly one of the funniest things SNL has sone in over 10 years. It is a rap videp called “Lazy Sunday” just check it out, you’ll enjoy it…

View “Lazy Sunday”

Ohh yeah, iTunes users, you can search iTunes for “Lazy Sunday” and download it for free.

Rob got what he always wanted for Christmas, his Audi A-4 booted as a result of not paying parking tickets! Super sweet. Personally, I think he should just start driving around with it. After a few revolutions his fender would eventually give way and it would be relatively smooth sailing after that…

Warning!
Do not move this vehicle!

It has been seized by the City of Boston for unpaid parking tickets. Removing or tampering with vehicle or boot may result in prosecution and imprisonment for up to ten years.

Vehicle Operator : Remove this sticker, release information is provideed on the reverse side.

That notification is all well and good, however, I think they would have a better response rate if they wrote it a little more creatively. If I was the City of Boston, here is how I would rewrite that note rob got on this window…

Warning!
Your shit isn’t going anywhere!

Your car has been slapped with a big-ol hunk of metal that is probably scratching your rims. If your dumb ass is stupid enough to try and drive with this thing on you will completely fuck up your ride.

If you’re wondering why you have this thing on your car, you may want to consult the dozens of unpaid parking tickets located in your glove box. Please call the phone number on the back of this warning to see how many hundreds of dollars in fines and penalties you owe the City of Boston.

Now that is more like it…

It’s all about the Hamiltons.

According to Chris, MMP needs more sports rants. I think that is a fantastic idea, and with the recent grumblings in Red Sox Nation and my argumentative stance towards sports I think we could have a real winner on our hands.

What do you guys think? Obviously Chris is trying to look as menacing as possible so you jerkstores post some stuff encouraging messages with regards to the sports postings. Please note the illegal usage of his lead filled billy-club. He means business guys…

Chris Angelli: Hey, I bought that thing 3 months before they were deemed “illegal”. So you can step off.

Ok, secret is out.
I may be moving to Colorado. I’m not going to tell you what my chances are because I don’t want to jinx myself, but I may be leaving the east coast sometime in January. Seeing how my potential future employer checks MMP I don’t want to divulge any secret details. So, stay tuned. The farewell tour could be in effect very shortly. Then again, it could all fall through and I could end up stuck here… You never know

Yep, it is a big change. I’m 100% ready to make a major location and life change.

What the hell is the world coming to? Seriously, old people, please take note. Get a god damn gym membership. The mall is for SHOPPING not for your walking and exercising. If you want to work out, get a god damn gym membership / nordic track / treadmill or buns of steel video. Don’t take your ass to the mall and start walking around with your stupid ass 2 pound weights and track suit.

Wow…
That haircut just screams f-me Jeter. JohnNY looks like a total flamer here. Please note the pink kimono / bathrobe / drapery he’s wearing and the wine glasses on the table behind him. Not to mention the limp wrist. What a total fag.