MMP

Some of you have been emailing / instant messaging / twittering / facebooking me about my little emergency room jaunt this morning.   I’m fine, had to head to the ER at 5:30 AM because I had an asthma attack and could not breathe. When you wake up wheezing, your hands and feet are clammy and your rescue inhaler is nowhere to be seen you really don’t have any options.  After steaming up my bathroom with hopes of calming down my lungs to stop the coughing, wheezing and general shittery I decided it was time to leave it to the pros.

After some epinephrine and inhaled steroids courtesy of a nebulizer I am fine.

Oh MacGyver, you’re getting lazy in your old age.  Remember the days when you’d make a rope swing out of nothing more than a paper towel roll and package of Big League Chew?  Well, apparently those days are now over…

Working in the skiing industry, many of my friends are from our great and polite neighbor to the north, good old America jr. that’s right… Canada.

So I ask you, loyal MMP readers to wish our friends to the north a happy Canada Day on this July 1st.  What they’re celebrating, who knows!  I’ll just chalk that up to good old American ignorance on my behalf.  Thankfully, there’s always Wikipedia to inform me of all the things that I know absolutly nothing about.  America, fuck yeah!

Canada Day - Wikipedia.org
Canada Day (French: Fête du Canada), formerly Dominion Day, is Canada’s national day, a federal statutory holiday, celebrated on July 1 annually by Canadians. Canada Day observances take place not only throughout the nation, but also internationally.

Harvey is prepped and ready with his case of Molson Canadian.

This year, I will be headed to Whistler on July 6th and plan on having my own little Canada Day celebration by participating in some local Canadian traditions. You know, nothing major.  Some Kokanee beer whilst listening to the latest Alannis Morissette album followed by one of my favorite Canadian activities, seal clubbing.

How very true.

So very true…

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “breakup.”

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog “Science Diet” instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”

23. Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit what the hell happened?”