BenR's parents went over to Italy for a week or so and Ben did what any other red-blooded American would do while his parents were away... He threw a massive party in their new 1000+ square foot barn. This was quite the doozer, Mike and Ben aquired a keg and 15+ bottles of top shelf liquor and erected a temporary bar, complete with surround sound, mixing board and microphone. I tended bar the entire night and played DJ with the lappy. We managed to make around $300 bucks by charging for drinks and keg cups. There were around 100-110 people there and nobody got incredibly sick or killed, so the mission was a success.

We started booting people around 3:30, cleaned up for a little while and then relaxed, had some beers and did a late night Cumby's run where we got more food than we could shake a stick at. Ben's little brother managed to puke his guts by drinking top shelf booz all night.

[100+ of Ben's clocest friends.]

[Ben Roberts Vs. The Gulper]

[Ben's little brother calling ralph on the big white phone.]

[Mikey T. Vs. The Gulper]

Ladies, feeling lonely? Tired of the dating scene? No worries, call 1-888-GET-PIPE and a friendly representative will lay some pipe for a nominal fee.

Thanks to Rusty for sniping this pic while I was behind the wheel.

This was a real doozer of a night. Jessica, Rusty and I headed to Funky Murphy's to have a "couple" drinks. None of us were planning on drinking heavily but things just kinda spiraled out of control once the long island's and jager-bombs started flowing. Next thing you know, we're all swimming in a municipal pool at 3:15 AM and walking home soaking wet. So here's a nice picture of Rusty falling into his closet after changing back into some dry clothes. Good work fresh, that's the kinda boozin I like to see...

Fuck par... We stole all the mini golf courses balls.

That's a nice toilet!

Jessica and Rusty, BFF's. Well, by the looks on Rusty's face I think he wants to take the relationship to the next level... You know, the whole, I want to lick your face like a Charms Blow Pop vibe. Just a hunch.

Infusing vodka on a tuesday. Yeah thats normal. Please note also that the melon says"to wong foo with love julie newmar" (from rob via adams phone)

This is Leroy, the family Cat / Dog. He's a cat that thinks he's a dog. He plays fetch, carries the ball in his mouth and brings it back to you. He likes eating cheez-its, pretzels, chips, turkey, ritz bitz sandwiches and pretty much anything else that falls on the ground. He also likes being held like a baby over your shoulder, it is kind of odd. He'll just kinda sit there for a while and purr and swat at things as you walk past them.

He honestly thinks he is a dog. His best friend is his Pound Puppy that he sleeps with every night. As a matter of fact, he escaped the back hall the other day and brought his toys and pound puppy upstairs and slept on Andrew's bed. He's kind of a freak, he loves to play tag with you. It is the funniest thing ever because the sight of seeing the cat chase Andrew around the house and swat him and then have Andrew chase and tag him is pretty funny... They both pretty much have the same IQ.

Tomororw I'll upload a video of Leroy boxing with the fighting nun and fighting jew action figure.

[Amanda sent me this lovely message and I figured it was MMP material.]

The great thing about MMP is that most of my friends view it. Since they all check in on the page a few times every day they all want to get in their 2 cents, or in our case, some sort of image. Well, Amanda did the best thing ever and spiked her old school phone to the pavement and got a new Motorolla v710 camera/video phone. Now she's sending pix message and contributing to mmp. So here's a lil message I got from her today. If any of you are offended, you can deal with it. Big deal, they're black. They made a funny ass comment to Amanda about slavery. Just laugh at it.

Amanda:
This is Rudy he and his brother are moving shit from this office in this nasty heat into a fish smelling trailer. In case you didn't know, they are black. Rudy said its worse than picking cotton.

This picture would be pretty bad ass if it wasn't for the faggy ass umbrella that was stuck in the watermelon. They always said that watermelon makes a delicious Summer treat. This one is especially delicious when it is filled with Vodka. Ha ha ha, vodka makes everything better!

[Thanks to Chris A. for this MMP entry! You go, Goph!]

Q: "Are you man enough... To be a nurse?"
A: Nope.

As some of you may know, I don't really eat sweets. They're just not my thing. So, as far as birthday cakes usually go, I'm not a huge fan of cake & frosting. This usually means that we end up with an ice cream cake. There's one kind of cake that I really do like and that is cheesecake, so T-unit mosied on down to the local bakery and nabbed up a cheesecake birthday cake. That is freakin money.

Cait was missing the traditional frosting that is typically found on the cake, so she was licking it off of the ribbon. Gross.

Ok, so it is my 24th birthday and what better way to celebrate than to buy a house! Well, I didn't buy a house today, but we did take a look at this sweet one. 3 bedroom, hardwood floors, vinyl siding, underground sprinklers. Pretty decked out. The only problem is that a family of migrant farm workers was brutally slain in the basement. Ok, well everything is true except the whole murder thing.

Once the appraisal comes back I'll make an offer, maybe? Ugh, I freakin hate responsibility. I've been 24 for only 17 hours and I want to drown myself in a river. Seriously, I just posted about buying a house. What a crappy birthday post. I should be posting how 10 strippers are singing me happy birthday and letting me do body shots. Not about white picket fences and asking how old the heating system is.

24 is so lame.

Robby B. comes through with another splendid post for MMP. He was in Maine this weekend and managed to spy this doozer of a license plate. Funny that you find a low class license plate like this on a Pontiac Firebird, typically only heads of state, wealthy businessmen, members of congress and land owners drive such exotic cars as Firebirds. Oh wait, I had that all wrong... Apparently if you work 3rd shift at Denny's, live in a trailer park, eat mayonaise sandwiches and date your cousin can you drive a Pontiac Firebird.

You know you like it.

[Andrew contemplates if he has enough money for all the conditioner he will need...]

Andrew needs your help to make one of the most important decisions he has ever made...
To flow, or not to flow?!

For those of you that don't know what flow is...

Flow : Long, curly or wavey hair. Mostly a hockey term. Hair that would flow out the back of someone's helmet and curl up around the back of the helmet. Someone can have a flow or be flowin.

Example : Check out Sully's flow.

Andrew is at a follicular (is that even a word) turning point. Should he cut his hair, or continue to rock out and re-grow-the-flow?

Post your answers in the comments...

Nachos : Check
Salsa : Check
Cheese : Check
Olives : Check
Ground Hamburg : Check
Loaded Gloc 9 : Check.

Ahh, movie night is always so much fun at the local "Italian Legitimate Businessman's Club".

Thanks again to Robby B. for hooking up MMP with another sweet image. I really don't want to know where he was or why there was a sweet ass pile of nachos right next to a loaded weapon. I assume it is loaded, who keeps an unloaded gun... That is just insane. You can't kill anyone without bullets!

Here's a good tip for those situations when you have too much beer to carry. Use a skate board to wheel the beer wherever you want!

Traci is really pushing to be next weeks MMP All Star... Via IM.

Traci : i am on beer numero 12
Dave : haaa numero 12
Traci : hence the mmp comments
Traci : <-- drunk

Nice work Traci, looks like next week I'll have to dig up a nice pic of you puking into my toilet with the EMT's coming to save your ass. You best believe I have a pic of that momentous event.

Nobody chugs Mr. Boston vodka for 2 straight minutes and gets away scott free.

Help support MMP, visit our online store! Offensive shirts for cheap!

Starting next week, we'll be using a new voting system that will let you choose the next week's header graphic. We'll give you three choices each week, your votes will determine if that person becomes that weeks MMP All Star!

Did I mention that each weeks winner gets some merch from the MMP Online Store?!

This week's MMP All Star is Matthew Jenkins. Matt consistantly makes an appearance in Worcester and Providence and is best friends with The Gulper. Congratulations Matt, I'll throw some schwag your way. Or at least buy you some beers this weekend.

-Dave

shoebox346: I saw you at the bar last week and I finally got a hold of your screenname Im Andy Richmond
Dave Amirault: ?????
shoebox346: i bet you're really hot aren't u? ;-)
Dave Amirault: i smell some ai at work here...
shoebox346: lol look who's talikng

Dave Amirault: ok, you wanna strange it up. no problem, let's rock.
Dave Amirault: whats up andy richmond
shoebox346: me? no
Dave Amirault: That's funny, the only bar I was at last week was Cheaters. It's a titty bar. So you've got to be a stripper that I was saying way way way too much to.
shoebox346: aww dont leave me
Dave Amirault: Leave you, now what, you've got some sort of complex about being alone?
shoebox346: no, please talk to me
Dave Amirault: Afraid you'll die alone and eating tunafish playing bingo?
Dave Amirault: Yeah, that probably would suck.
shoebox346: :-\
Dave Amirault: I can picture the chain reaction now. I stop talking and you take it so badly that you reject all human contact for the rest of your miserable existance and shut yourself out to the world. What the fuck, why not be one of those strange cat lady's while you're at it.
shoebox346: really? i wasn't aware of my involvement
Dave Amirault: SO, andy... Where do you live?
Dave Amirault: I live on the moon.
shoebox346: I live in california you?
shoebox346: :-p
Dave Amirault: I told you, the moon.
shoebox346: oosp, sorry
Dave Amirault: No problem, obviously you dont pay attention well either.
shoebox346: i found ure sn on my buddy list and i didnt recognize it, maybe we know each other somehow? lol
Dave Amirault: So what bar did we meet at? Did I accidetally smash a bottle over your head. If so, it was probably because you were wearing a stupid fucking cowboy hat. I hate those things. I mean, they're ok if you're in texas but in Rhode Island... You're lucky I didn't push you into oncoming traffic.
shoebox346: u really think I was a bot? lmao sorry to disapoint u
Dave Amirault: I bet you're mentally handicapped.
shoebox346: i dont beleive u lol
Dave Amirault: yep. a bot.
shoebox346: lmao, i'm not a bot
Dave Amirault: count backward sfrom 10 and stopat three
shoebox346: :-P
Dave Amirault: bot.
shoebox346: u really think i am a obt? lmao sorry to disapoint u
shoebox346: You have been talking to a computer! One of your friends is reading the whole conversation and laughing it up right now! GET EVEN! Have the bot prank all your friends by visiting imprank.ebaumsworld(dot)com

[Feel free to save that signature to forge checks, etc.]

Last night, Traci and I went to a sneak preview of Michael Bay's new box office stinker "The Island". Thankfully the tickets were free, had I been subjected to the $9.75 for admission I probably would have murdered a large group of innocent bystanders upon my exit from the theatre.


Prepare for a rant folks... Here we go.

This movie blew. It jumped the shark 40 minutes in with the two crap-bag male and female lead characters (I'm not acknowledging their names it was so bad) fall 70 stories down a skyscraper on a gigantic metal corporate logo, on fire, while being shot at by assassins in helicopters, only to safely land in some nets on the tarmac below. Ohh, they don't come out of this debacle unharmed, the male character managed to get a nasty scrape that required some neosporin... Other than that, they lived another day and managed to evade the worlds worst aiming assassins, a 700 foot plunge to their doom and other improbable situations. I think the only thing that could have made it even better would be if they were riding this flaming piece of bullet laden steel down the 70 story drop while fighting ninjas on it. That would have made it much more believable.

Funny how the tag line for the movie is "Plan your escape", it is pretty fitting considering I was planning my escape from the theater the entire time I was being subjected to this crap-fest.

Two redeeming qualities.

1. Special effects were nasty.
2. Scarlett Johansson
   

Does tip sign make any sense? Jesus people are retarded. I guess the whole concept of "Drive-Thru" makes no sense to McDonalds anymore. Here's a little refresher. You drive through it, in no way does the word "drive-thru" imply that any parking will be necessary for the transaction.

Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing

Q: What do Michael Jackson and the New York Mets have in common?
A: They're both walking around with one glove on their hand for no apparent reason whatsoever!!

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and
the other you carry your groceries in !!

Q: Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
A: He heard boys' pants were half-off !!

Q: What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
A: Michael Jackson's hand !!

Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: Get out of my sun!!

Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy !!

Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A: There's a big wheel parked outside his house!!

Q: Heard about Michael Jackson's new songs?
A: I'm forever blowing bubbles!

1. Dressing room at the Gap.
2. Makeup counter at Macy's.
3. Trash bucket in a city park.
4. No stalls available? No problem! Use the sink!
   

Does your office have one of those annoying biometric timeclocks? Do you take offense to scanning one of your 10 digits over some sort of reader to punch in? Do you want to steal someone elses identity via their fingerprint? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions you are in luck today my friend!

Steal someone's identity via thumbprint!

Rusty, Justin and I went to Narragansett beach on Sunday to sleep off our hangovers. We planned on taking a nice snooz on the beach, I guess Rusty got a jump start on that whole situation by going horizontal in the back of the Duke's new 2006 Nissan Murano. I hope Rusty didn't get drool all over the Duke's new leather...

Yeah, you know what... I hope he did. The Duke has leather, he should know better than to get leather with the circle of friends he runs with. Next time he'd better put down a tarp in the back seat. Drool away, Rusty...

Ok, so I was taking a leak in Allison's bathroom at her new apartment on Saturday night and this was resting on top of her toilet... Bitch Cream. No joke. I knew it was real!

5:30-8:30 : Jessica's graduation party. Outdoor beer pong.
9:00-11:00: Allison's housewarming party.
11:00-11:45: Vodka Tonics and pounding beers at my apartment.
11:45-2:00: Cheaters Gentlemen's Club
2:00-3:00: Red Bull and Vodkas.
3:00-3:30: Deleted Scene.

12:45: Woke up. Apparently, I broke my room.

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WPBR? PBR. Wow. This station makes me thirsty.

Here is the first pic of me in the new glasses. I hope you all enjoy looking at a computer dork via his cameraphone..

Wow, look at the huge wave in the hair tonight... That is what I'm talkin about. Party hair is in effect.

If only I could find my plaid shorts...

Charlie is playing with himself. Again.

Ryan Amirault: what do you do without skiing in the summer?
Dave Amirault: drink

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PITTSBURGH (AP) -- A T-ball coach allegedly paid one of his players $25 to hurt an 8-year-old mentally disabled teammate so he wouldn't have to put the boy in the game, police said Friday.

Mark R. Downs Jr., 27, of Dunbar, is accused of offering one of his players the money to hit the boy in the head with a baseball, police said. Witnesses told police Downs didn't want the boy to play in the game because of his disability.

Police said the boy was hit in the head and in the groin with a baseball just before a game, and didn't play, police said.

"The coach was very competitive," state police Trooper Thomas B. Broadwater said. "He wanted to win."

Downs has an unpublished telephone number and couldn't immediately be reached for comment Friday. It was unclear whether he had an attorney.

He was arrested and arraigned Friday on charges including criminal solicitation to commit aggravated assault and corruption of minors. He was released from jail on an unsecured bond.

The alleged assault happened June 27 in North Union Township, about 40 miles southeast of Pittsburgh, authorities said.

The boy's mother asked state police to investigate her son's injuries because she suspected Downs wanted to keep the boy off the field, despite a league rule that required each player to participate in three innings a game, Broadwater said.

Eric Forsythe, the president of the R.W. Clark Youth Baseball League, said Downs had two daughters on the T-ball team.

League organizers investigated accusations against Downs before the T-ball season ended earlier this month but could not prove that he did anything wrong. If Downs is convicted of any crime, he won't be allowed to be a coach next year, Forsythe said. The league is not affiliated with Little League International.

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Who says you can't have fun at the eye doctor?

Ok, all of you know Aloha Joe and Chris Porter from the Laura Glyda Band... Right?
Well, today I was speaking with Glyda over IM and she informed me that there is an online poll that decides the fate of the band in the "Battle of the Bands" competition. So, here's your chance to pay it forward and shoot these guys a vote, even though you didn't see them rock their fucking asses off. Believe me, if you saw them, you'd be voting for them anyway.

So, go get your vote on... Click here.

While you're at it, why not check out their website and rock out to some of the mp3's in the media section. Click here to head over to LauraGlydaBand.com's media page.

What the hell, here is a goofy picture of Porter from this Saturday's party. 1/2 of LGB was at Shenanigans, drinkin it up. And by the looks of things, Chris had a few.


[Chris, she's way out of your league.]

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[This beats your shitty wallpaper any day...]

Visit the MMP Online Store! Save $3 on every order until July 14th!

Rob and Walsh went to clean up the porch this weekend and found 14 empty cans clogging up the gutters. That may be the reason why nothing was draining...

This, ladies and gentlemen is the largest ball of twine on the planet Earth. You can now die knowing that you've seen this. Your life is now complete...

Google SMS is ready. Head over and check it out...



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Everyone will want to ride with you once they find out that you've got gas!

Visit the MMP Online Store! Save $3 on every order until July 14th!

Visit the MMP Online Store! Save $3 on every order until July 14th!

I'd like to thank "the goph" for sending in this lovely contribution to MMP. He was at his sister's wedding nabbed this image.

Chris: The two sweetest words in the englsh language 'open bar'.

Ok, so Pfif, Walsh and I went to Maine on Saturday night for a party in Cumberland. It was a crazy ass time. There were at least 50 people there, a barn that had a full bar, PA system, 4 beruit tables and a grill. It was insane. Since we were in the middle of nowhere in Maine there were some pretty interesting road signs so I grabbed the digital camera and the nearest bike and started peddling around the neighborhood around sunset. I managed to spot a legit road sign that said "Hunting By Shotgun Only" so I hopped off the bike and started to white balance and take some pics... Then a police car pulled up next to me and put its lights on. No joke. Officer asshole got out and told me that there was a complaint that there was a kid wearing a plaid shirt riding around the neighborhood on a bike drinking a beer. At that point I informed officer ass fucker that I was not wearing a plaid shirt and that I haven't had one on that night because it wouldn't match my plaid shorts. He then took offense and called in on his radio to ask if it was a plaid shirt or plaid shorts, dispatch immediately said that it was a plaid shirt. After hearing this officer but plug then got on the radio again and said that he had someone with a pink shirt and blue plaid shorts, dispatch responded that it didn't fit the description. The officer then said I was free to go, I wished him luck on his ghost chase and continued to take pictures of the most hilarious road sign ever. But it doesn't end there....

After taking pictures of the sign and officer donkey raper left I started exploring a little more and called Rob to inform him that I was just pulled over on a bike and that the five-o's would be patrolling heavily. He then called me back a couple seconds later saying that the officer would like a word with me. So I pedal back to find out that officer a-hole had stopped right outside the house and was talking to Rob and Adam. He then asked for my ID and ran my information through the grid. After coming out squeaky clean he then said that he didn't think I looked 21 and he was just checking. I then told him that he didn't need to run my information and background through dispatch to find out my age and that it was clearly printed in the upper left on my Rhode Island ID. I then asked if he wanted anything else, he said no and that I was free to go. So I hopped back on my bike, rang the bell on the handlebars and completely ignored his weak "Have a good night". Rob and Adam then explained that this particular cop has it in for them because he can never find enough evidence to bust them. I guess he's just a douchebag and I got caught up in the middle of it. Great.

Visit the MMP Online Store! Save $3 on every order until July 14th!

Visit the MMP Online Store! Save $3 on every order until July 14th!

I'm such a skinny geek. Damn. Why couldn't i have been jacked, ha ha ha. Better to be intelligent than retarded, i guess.